The stories we tell ourselves

Do you ever find yourself saying, “I’m not xxxx”? Or “I can’t xxxx”? Or, or, or…. 

I did this morning. 🙄

I found myself saying, “I’m not a morning person.”

I was saying this to justify to myself why I was getting up later than “others.” (The fact that I was “judging” others by thinking they were “judging” me is a topic for another day. 🙃)

I caught myself right after I said it….

Am I really “not a morning person,” or was this just a story I was telling myself so that I wouldn’t feel bad because I like to get up later than other people?

Was it something I was telling myself so that I wouldn’t feel like I had to “keep up” with others?

And the kicker of this whole internal dialogue was that no one was judging me. I was just assuming someone somewhere was judging me.

You know what happens when we assume, right?!?!? 🤣

This got me thinking about what are the other stories we tell ourselves.

Those stories that make us “judge” ourselves based upon our assumption of “other people’s perceptions”….

Read that again….

Yes, I said that we judge ourselves based on our assumptions of other people’s perceptions of us.

Why do we do this?

Well, sometimes these “other people” do express their perception of us to us. But most often, when we base our actions/thoughts/energies on “other people’s perceptions,” we base them on our own assumption of what we think other people think.

These assumptions can come from past conversations, “societal norms,” how we grew up, a reaction someone had “that one time,” etc., etc., etc., I could keep going, but you get the picture.

What can we do about this?

For starters, we can start being conscious of when we are telling ourselves these stories versus when we are actually standing in our own Inner Intelligence. Meaning we can figure out our truth about the situation/subject.

When I recognized the thought of “I’m not a morning person” as a story I told myself, I realized I had a choice to make.

I could either accept that “I’m not a morning person” as my truth, or I could figure out my truth.

– Was my truth that I am really “not a morning person”?
– Or was it that I really enjoy, and my body feels better, when I sleep past 7:30 am (or later when I can manage it 😊)?

My truth is that I feel better when I sleep later. This is my truth, and I own it. 🎉

Great! Now what? 🤷‍♀️

Now, we need to alter the thoughts, assumptions, and perceptions that were associated with the story we were telling ourselves.

This story was about you bringing this judgment and perception upon yourself, and now that you are aware of this, you can switch it up and change it to what works for you.

This morning, I switched up my judgments and perceptions to “I allow myself to sleep and rise as it worked for me.”

And…. I allow others the same courtesy. This is very important. 

When I need to get up by a specific time, I will (and do), but when I can allow my body’s natural rhythm of sleep to flow, I will allow it, and I feel better for it.

This honouing allowed me to recognize my story, realize my truth, and alter my thoughts around my truth so that they were actually based upon me and not someone else or what I thought someone else was thinking about my truth.

What happens when you are called out on your truth?

If someone is commenting on your truth, there are a few easy questions to ask yourself.

– Does my living by my truth infringe upon someone else?
– Is my truth tied to someone else?
– Does my truth cause someone else to be put out?
– Does my truth affect someone else?

If the answer is “no” to these questions, and your truth has no impact whatsoever on someone else, then let it go…. Their comments, judgments, and perceptions are theirs and theirs alone. They are not your responsibility, not yours to carry, and frankly, they are none of your business.

If the answer to these questions ends up being “sometimes,” then you and those people that your truth impacts will need to have conversations to figure things out. You will need to determine how best you can all move forward, honouring yourself and others.

We had the following understanding when my children were younger but old enough to make breakfast. If they got up before 7:30 am and “couldn’t wait,” they could make their own breakfast. If it was after 7:30 am, then they had the option of either making their own breakfast or coming to wake me up so that I could make them something that they couldn’t make themselves. Everyone was happy as they got what they wanted/needed. The added bonus here is I was teaching my children to honour their truths, respect others, and be a little bit more self-reliant.

If the answer to the above questions is “yes,” and your truth is very much affecting others, then you would need to do some contemplation and inner work and quite possibly have to make some decisions on how best to move forward.

For example, if you are being called out for a truth that is linked to a commitment you have made, you first need to honour your commitment (I’m talking about being a parent, going to work, going to school, etc.). Then, you can look at options and ways to move forward while both honouring your commitment and your truth.

Again, continuing the example of my truth of sleeping until 7:30 am, if I have a job that starts at 8 am, getting up, getting ready, and getting to work in time for 8 am is not possible with me sleeping until 7:30 am. BUT I could still honour my truth on those days that I don’t have to be at work at 8 am. AND, if I chose, I could speak to my boss about starting later, or I could look for work that started later than 8 am to be able to sleep until 7:30 am.

There are always choices, you just need to be open and to look for them.

Much love and healing, Tami
xoxoxo

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